3. Self-empathy

You recognise that a need is not fulfilled or is at risk by the way you feel. You feel out of sorts, under pressure, dissatisfied; something doesn't fit. Take these feelings seriously and do not ignore them. Take the time to look more closely at the cause.

In this table you will find some examples of feelings and how they relate to the five basic needs. Strictly speaking, some of the feelings listed are not real feelings, according to Marshall Rosenberg, because they relate to others. However, for the purpose of identifying the unmet needs behind them, we find them quite useful.

Take your needs seriously even when an inner voice says: "This is ridiculous!" Or, " Do not make such a fuss!". Start treating yourself well now. This voice does not contribute anything to a constructive solution, but rather prevents you from being in good contact with yourself.

If you are too much in the emotion to make this analysis, provide some distance from the issue. There are several ways to get distance. A very effective one is to take a few deep breaths and evoke a nice memory. Another wonderful method to get a grip on strong feelings that we can highly recommend is EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques. In chapter 11. Further materials, you will find some useful links.

The next step is to think about how you can improve the situation so that your needs are better met.